What Is Family?

What is family? Is it a matter of blood and genetics, or is it something more then that, perhaps something that not as definable as DNA ?

I think this would depend on how you define "family". The dictionary defines family as "A fundamental social group in society consisting of esp. of a man and woman and their offspring. A group of people sharing a common ancestry or all the members of a household under one roof."

I have some problems with that definition, first it's out of date. I believe that any couple, straight or gay can quite successfully be a family, whether or not the kids are biological or adopted. Just being a part of an ethnic group doesn't work either because I have had the pleasure of extreme prejudice based on my name and in the reverse because I didn't look quite right to bear that name.  I have lived under a roof with people who I wouldn't claim as family if they were the only ones to have me! So the question "what is family" still remains.

I posted this question on Facebook to see what kind of thoughts that others might have and the answers were not surprising. Basically the belief is that a family consists of  two people who are raising children that they love. There was one gentleman who suggested that this could only be achieved if one was a mom as in female and the other was a dad as in male. I disagree with this notion. First of all I personally know Gay couples that are raising children and are doing a wonderful job at it, far better then the raising that I had, and I know of single moms and dads who are doing the best that they can with what they have. Yes, they have problems as well, but show me a family that doesn't. I am not saying that straight people cant raise children properly, what I am saying though is that that is not the only viable option. Children need parents that are going to love them and nurture them, discipline them when needed and love on them continuously.

What did surprise me was the people that weren't mentioned. Grandparent's , Aunts , Uncles or even cousins. Then there are those who are not related at all yet they are loved as family.Those were actually some of the kinds of people that I was looking for in the answers, so I changed the question a bit and asked "who outside of your immediate spouse and children do you see as family?" The overall response to that was the idea that it was a group of people with shared experience, who love and nurture one another through good times and bad.

I remember, when I was real young, there was a man and wife who sort of adopted me and my brother and we called them Aunt Dawn and Uncle Frank. They were not actually related to us in any way but I didn't know or understand that when I was that young, but I do remember going to school with their real nieces and nephews and being teased about it and being informed that they were not my family. I was devastated by the news, but then aunt Dawn sat me down on her lap and explained to me that though I wasn't related to her she was my aunt because she loved me as her own. I have never forgot that. There was another woman who, particularly in my teenage years, took me under her wing and treated me as her own son and helped during some very tough times. None of these people were in anyway related to me , yet they were more then blood , they were family as it is meant to be.

 I believe that family is something that goes way beyond blood and is more defined by common bonds due to any number of situations or simply based on our love for others. My brother and I are family by all the things that I have suggested and we share blood as well. My cousin who lives in Maine is also one who I consider to be family for the same reasons. That is about where my list of blood relatives, short of my children of course, comes to an end. Out side of blood relations though I have many whom I consider to be family. I have a friend in Oklahoma, whom I consider to be a brother because we went to war together and I can tell you that war will bond you in a way that few other experiences will. I have many friends in Vermont that we have known for so long, done so much with, that I consider them to be family and I love their kids like they were my own. I have friends here in New Hampshire that we picked up our friendship like we had never parted, just as natural as you could want, they are family to me.

So here is my own definition of what family is or can be;  Family can be almost any combination of people in a home or in a community that have a common bond of friendship, beliefs and love. It is not necessary that you agree with each other all the time, nor does it need to fit into one particular mold, nor do you need to believe the same. What is needed is the common thread of love and nurturing one another. It is as simple as that. But then that just my Simple Minded thought.